Tuesday, May 19, 2009


We have all experienced it. The date from hell. Your caring sister has deemed it her calling in life to set you up with her roommate's best friend's step sibling because you two are "perfect" for each other. The destruction of the date has already began before you two even meet.

This person, who is perfect for you, has all the tendencies and attributes that drive you wild. Wild is a relative term. Some dates may cause you to become like unto a young wild horse who gallops and whinnies at the sounds, site or smell of the opposite sex.

This endeavour, however, brings out a wild that could fall under the category of wild murderer, not a playful pony. Before you make the headlines of the local, state and national news for decapitating the above mentioned fiasco of a dating partner, please let me explain what you are experiencing.

You were not feeling IT. Instead, you were feeling: too warm, pressure, and uncomfortable? My friend you have officially experienced a BMD: Bowel Movement Date. BMD's cause excess sweating, due to unwanted pressure from the a fore mentioned individual ending in severely uncomfortable wasted time. These emotions accompany two events in our lives: awkward dates and the passing of waste from our bodies.

The next time your brother's cousin's Aunt Nancy begins the ever awkward perfect-person-for-you-to-date conversation with you, run. Run and never look back. Never again will you question why you feel the way you do, it is simply a BMD.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Art of an Ugly Face

It is an activity, it is an art. A piece of history that only you as a unique individual can provide to mankind. Creased folds of twisted skin ensures a glimpse of the cartoon within each of us. A skewed set of visual orbs build a comical muse. All in all, the ugly face is a choice one makes and all can enjoy.

The Ugly Face: It is an activity - It is an art.

The Smolterin' Temptress

The Summery Irish Dancer

The Blue Ribbon Bull

The Auburn Aszony

The Beautiful Brown Bonnie Lass

The Innocent Young Man

My Large Blonde Dove

The Masta'

The unique ugly ultimately unites fellow uglies in a bond of hideous humor.

The Ugly Face: It is an activity - It is an art.