Sunday, January 9, 2011

Somnambulism: A friend maker

Today, I am prepared to reveal an extremely personal piece of information. According to the National Sleep Foundation, I, Lee P.Cannon, suffer from a behavioral disorder. Now this may not come as a huge shock to those of you who have had the pleasure of being exposed to my disorder, but to the innocent reader who believes that I am merely a victim of awkward experiences, this may shake your confidence in my mental stability. I am a survivor of somnambulism.

Somnambulism is a behavior disorder that originates during deep sleep and results in walking or performing other complex behaviors while sleeping. In layman terms, I am a sleep walker.

Now sleepwalking might seem like a great theme for a 1940's horror film, in which the male antagonist butchers his lover Lucille with the blunt end of a plunger while "sleepwalking". It has also been the rationalization for many sex-capades throughout history (see for more details). But for me, sleepwalking is simply a way of life.

Recently, I have taken to stripping my body down to the prenatal state while sleeping and then taking adventures beyond the bedroom. When I wake, instead of being in my plush pillow top queen bed, I will find myself sprawled out in the arm chair, snuggled in the tub, or sitting on my kitchen floor: always naked. This nude awakening has always been a welcome surprise until it became a public affair.

The last time my tired eyes opened to find my exposed body in an odd location I was propped up against the railing of my patio. Some patios might be prime locations for nude nocturnal narratives, but my patio is down town Salt Lake City. Located 36 inches away from a fairly busy street lay bare the Lee Cannon modern art exhibit.

I have no excuse for my public display of flesh, but only good has come of the event. I was expecting a phone call from the police informing me that I would be appearing before a judge to be sentenced for my indecent exposure ticket. But instead, I received 16 friend requests on Facebook that day. Sixteen complete strangers from Salt Lake City happen to add me in the wee hours of the morning during and after my most recent au naturel stroll. Thank you Somnambulism, you truly are the best friend maker.


kym said...

That's too funny. Love it!

corieanne7 said...

I literally laughed out loud while reading this. It was a true LOL moment. Thanks :)

Pam said...

Great piece of writing. Very funny...and a bit worrisome!

Emily said...

Very funny story, Lee! I had no idea you lived in Salt Lake, though. Where are you working these days? Can I ask which building you live in? I have a few friends downtown, and I used to live just a little east of downtown. I'm in Rose Park these days.

Lee Cannon said...

@Corie: I am so glad you literally LOL'ed! I am thinking a possible Cali trip is in the makings?!
@Pam: No, I will not see a shrink ;)
@Emily: You hoping to catch a peek at my naked patio adventures? HAHA! I live just off K street and 2nd ave. It is a beautiful area! Come visit?!

Weston and Hayley Bell said...

Totals totally sweet! Lee, you are an individual.

Lee Cannon said...

Hayley! This individual is a disaster haha! I'm sure one day I'll get in trouble for my nocturnal adventuring! Hope you see doing well!

Ashlee said...

I adore you and your little Somnambulism adventures...and I'll be in touch soon, promise.

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