Wednesday, January 11, 2012

By Invitation Only

In a letter written from the Birmingham Jail, Martin Luther King Jr. scribed, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Today, I experienced the stinging blow of segregation. The justice that I once lived for, fought for, slept with; was stripped away from me like Anthony Weiner's dignity.  Perhaps it was the hue of my skin, the girth of my thighs or the Buick that I drove that erected an invisible barricade between me and the rest of the population.  I will never know why I was blocked out, but in a flash of spandex I was pushed aside by a film crew recording an exercise video at my gym.

Apparently this workout video was a "by invitation only" segment featuring awesome people having an awesome time drinking awesome shooters and then sitting around and soaking up each other's awesomeness. I was not up to their awesome-esque standard obviously and did not receive an invitation to participate in the sweaty soiree. Poor choice.

I proceeded to place myself in the background of every shot of said movie. Whether it was a graceless pair of cartwheels or the walk-by-body-scratch, I found every opportunity to make my mark on the silver screen. A floundering foot found its way into the ranks of the steamy society, accidentally tripping into an outlying female. Grunting became the name of the game as I clamoured on top of a near by treadmill to adjust the overhead fan. Next, the sultry songs of Neil Diamond began pouring from my pouted lips. When they motioned for me to be quiet, I held my hand up to my ear and mouthed the words, "I can't hear you, sorry buddy." The most glorious part of this engagement was that I did not have earphones in. Oh the price one pays when Lee Cannon is not invited to play.

I have a dream that one day I will be featured in the foreground of a low budget exercise video. Today, that dream was fulfilled. I took justice into my own hands and handed the crew my contact information, letting them know where they can send the invitation for our next perspiring production.

10 comments:

Kortni said...

This is why I love you! I pray that our children will have your humor<3

FROSTED! said...

Oh Lee, you are priceless. I so enjoy your adventures. You should do stand up.

kym said...

I feel the need to throw a party and purposefully not invite you :)

Kandis said...

LOVE! hahahahah.... That's my kind of exercise video!

Renee said...

You are one of a kind.. Your adventures always bring a smile to my face.

Devy Mama said...

I love you in all your sweaty, spandex glory. There is LITERALLY nothing I don't love about this.

Ashley said...

You're amazing. I wish I could have been there with you!

Shawn Owens said...

Hahaha Lee Cannon! My man. You're a funny guy! Thanks for the birthday shout out by the way. Hope you're doing good :)

Lee Cannon said...

I think we should film our own exercise video and invite the people who commented on this! That would be the BEST video ever!

coops said...

Oh baby. Why do you need to be accepted by the low budget 2-D people of the world. You are so much more than a look. You are a look with sass and brains! That make you 3-D! Like the rest of us wonderful 3-D people, you don't need an invite to play! You just join in the party whenever wherever! Welcome to the club!