Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Jazzy Pandemic

The H1N1 virus outbreak of 2009 introduced a recent pandemic to the world. Joining the long list of historic pandemics, H1N1's 30,000 victims are overshadowed by the 400,000 deaths each year caused by smallpox in the 1700's , the Black Plague that wiped out 75 million souls, and the 350 million cases of malaria annually in the modern era. However, a new pandemic is on the rise. One that is often preventable. One that clogs the shopping aisles of the grocery store. One that entices the youth of today. A Jazzy Pandemic.

The Jazzy, an elite power chair, has wheeled its way into the lives of many America's. At first, a tool for rehabilitation, adding a motorized mobility for its users, the Jazzy seems like a kind bedfellow. But as the pandemic has spread, I fear that the Jazzy is taking over our society.

In the greater Brigham City, Utah area, 19 Jazzy sitings have been reported to the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance in the past week. This is up 190% from the previous year's statistical reporting. Such a drastic increase in maneuverable chairs has been noted by the World Health Organization as a level 5 pandemic. This heightened attention to high-performing Jazzy models leads me end this issue with the following Jazzy etiquette statements:

If you are strapped onto a Jazzy, please acknowledge the speed your pedestrian friends are traveling at. Do not run down(technically it should be wheel down not run down) the innocent people around you.


If you are going to offer rides on your Jazzy to family members, friends or small children, please remember that safety comes first. Always wear a helmet.


If you are not a Jazzy junky, but you see an abandoned Jazzy, DO NOT jump on board and take the Jazzy for a spin. They are highly addictive.

5 comments:

Petra Lish said...

Hahahahah Remember when we saw hundreds of Jazzy's within days! and remember when the old man had the little girl on the seat BEHIND him, they went over a bump and I'm pretty sure there were some cracked ribs! Also, I HATE getting run over by Jazzy's!!!!

Brooke! said...

I thought it was another funny 'Lee-quip'...nope...NAAFA is a real thing. Wow.

Lissybug said...

You always crack me up, Lee. Hope you are well. :)

Madi said...

Ah Jazzy's. My Grandpa Davis bought one but never rode it, I'm pretty sure he was just trying to fit in with his friends. ;)

Andy said...

I just checked out the NAAFA website and one of the headlines to an article was, "The downsides of weight loss." Classic. And Madi, you don't know how bad i wanted to take that thing for a spin when I saw it in the garage. Apparently it was a good thing I didn't.