Thursday, July 8, 2010

Adopt-A-Dwarf Foundation

Thank you for calling Adopt-A-Dwarf Foundation, this is Thelma speaking. Here at Adopt-A-Dwarf, we seek to fulfill the dreams of individuals with smaller than normal statures and those average sized Americans who wish to adopt said little folk.

Today, we have three options of compact companions for your viewing pleasure.

Please press the #1 button on your telephone key pad if you are interested in our sturdy Mountain Midget.

Thank you for pressing #1. The Mountain Midget is a pocket sized champion of the hills. With sturdy legs, the Mountain Midget is perfect for long backpacking adventures and carrying heavy equipment. Backpack not included.

Please press the #2 button on your telephone key pad if you are interested in our exotic African American Midget.

Thank you for pressing #2. The African American Midget is a perfectly proportioned person built for display. With flashy or elaborate jewelry, the African American Midget is a perfect fit for those seeking a teensy-weensy conversation starter. Bling Bling not included.

Please press the #3 button on your telephone key pad if you are interested in our international Irish Midget.

Thank you for pressing #3. The Irish Midget is an undersized ginger friend for all occasions. Often mistaken for a leprechaun, the Irish Midget is known for being lucky, liking potatoes and performing traditional Riverdance routines. Jig not included.

These three options of lovable flesh nuggets can be yours by simply filling out an on-line application. Your application will be reviewed by members of the Adopt-A-Dwarf Foundation and Little People of America board members. If selected, you will become a candidate to making a little person's dreams come true.

Thank you for calling Adopt-A-Dwarf.

6 comments:

Brooke! said...

Question for you Thelma: In the event that said Midget is unsatisfactory, is there a return policy process I should be aware of? While friendly and sweet, like average humans, I know said characters can display violent outbreaks of hysteria. I wouldn't hesitate to get my legal team on that three feet of fury.
Hilarious post, Lee!

e.p. said...

There are no words.
Except for maybe awesome, or possibly amazing.
However, I'm looking to adopt a giant.

Caroline said...

Wow. Little People of America. Definitely a real website.

Sarahn, Cade, and Memphis said...

Oh Leelee...Only you. You're really gonna piss someone off one day! hahahaha

Heather & Dallan said...

You make me happy Lee! This might be my favorite post. :)

Roger said...

Brilliance. I have always wanted to adopt a small person. Lee, have you thought of being a humor columnist?