Sunday, July 25, 2010

Please, Do Rain On My Parade

The stunning musical theatre hall of fame melody Don't Rain On My Parade, from Isobel Lennart's Funny Girl, featuring Barbra Streisand's spectacular voice, will make any heart want to take up a flag, march or ride on a float. If you do, I am afraid I cannot be your friend. Parades are society's worst forms of public torture and I, as a responsible citizen, will not support such cruelty.

I would rather attend a funeral any day than go to a parade. Funerals celebrate the lives of deceased loved ones with song and praise. Parades celebrate the lives of the living with hurling candy and horse droppings.

The numb bum, product of sitting uncomfortably for hours watching ancient couples polka dancing in pastel fringe on passing floats, is only one of the many negative side effects of parade goers. A sweaty brow and a cherry sunburn accompany the numb bum in the Parade Watchers Package.

If you do choose the low road and attend a parade, please keep your eyes peeled for the large balloon cartoon charaters. Though the gigantic caricature might seem colorful and a short term shade source, these monsterous choking hazards, if set free, could be devastating to migratory birds and passing aircraft.

Ms Streisand, you might have had it right when you sang about the bruising life candy and the sun being a burning ball of butter. But, please, do rain on my parade. That way I won't have to attend the inhumane community affliction of any more parades.

4 comments:

Pam said...

Lee Cannon you are a pip! And of course, the picture is ... well what can I say?

Roger said...

Did you hear about the Love Parade in Germany?! It was two days ago and 19 people were trompled to death in a stampeed and 324 others were hospitalized! Parades are terrible!!!!

Laura said...

Besides making a hilarious episode of Friends, those flying cartoon menaces (and the whole concept of parades in general) can only be a bad thing. By the way, I absolutely love that song!... but not parades

e.p. said...

love the new background. :]
(oh, nice post, too.)