Sunday, August 8, 2010

10 Pet Peeves of the Week

10. Exposed Thongs: Whenever I see an exposed thong, I get the urge to use it like an elastic band, slapping the exposed tender skin. For you own safety, put it away.

9. Food in Facial Hair: How long has it been there? Are you saving it for later?

8. Over Eager Contributors: We all know them; the self proclaimed experts. We cannot afford your two cents worth.

7. Obese Bikinis: Great that you are comfortable with your 500 pound body, but the rest of the world just isn't. If you are looking to purchase a bikini in an extended size, please, reconsider.

6. Shushers: When someone "shushes" me, it is by far louder than any conversation I was having at the moment.

5. Midget Obsession: When others do not share my passion for little people.

4. Global Warming Propaganda: If I hear one more weather man talk about the proof of global warming every time the temperature gets above 90 degrees, then I will go out and produce more greenhouse gas.

3. Butt-Crack Parts: It is not natural to part one's hair straight down the middle. The two hemispheres divided by the great crevasse does not lend itself to beauty in any form.

2. Eating Loudly: Smacking of the lips, chonking on gum, or slurping cereal deserves corporeal punishment.

1. Public Fingernail Clipping: Clipping one's nails is a private matter. I do not want to hear the cutting of your germ infested keratin.


Bailey said...

Three and seven also make me angry, but number six would be my number one pet peeve. I usually am chill and it takes a lot for me to get legitimately mad but if I get shushed... Prepare for my wrath.

e.p. said...

three made me vomit in my mouth a little.

London said...

You don't know me, and no worries, I don't know you either. But I just thought I'd inform you that your blog is probably my most favorite thing I've ever read ever.

Lee Cannon said...

London, thanks for finding my blog. It's good to have you on board.

Groove said...

10.) People who throw trash on the ground and then walk by a garbage bin.

9.) Guys trying to sell mix tapes outside of Grocery Stores while parked in the handicap spot. (Yes they have a Van Wrap and their grandmother's plate)

8.) Starbucks and their incredibly short and narrow drive through line.

7.) People who carry ranch dressing in their purse. Not to mention watching them eat a 2 pound salad because they think it's going to help them lose weight.

6.) Kids who come and ask you for a dollar at the mall. This is not Slumdog Millionaire.

5.) Spandex. Enough said.

4.) People who carry dogs in expensive bags. You no longer have a Juicy Couture bag, you have a crappy Juicy Couture bag.

3.) People who drive their convertibles with the windows up.

2.) Little kids who flip me off from the backseat of school buses.

1.) Hipster kids, their mustaches, and their cut off shorts.

Lee Cannon said...

I love it Chris!!! Splendid answers! #2 resonates with me!

Anonymous said...

...It's like you are reading my mind. I love this list.

Lisa Quinones Fontanez said...

I think this is my favorite blog post of the week! I can't tell you how I cringe when I see someone clipping their nails on public transportation. I have to get up and move.