Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Extra Inch

An inch is 2.54 centimeters, one thirty-sixth of a yard, half the length of an average french fry.

I entered the aircraft with all the fan fare of a coach seat ticket holder. The flight attendant greased a grin across her faded face as I passed into the rear of the plane. My seat was located on the very last row, tucked in the corner next to the soon to be rocketing restroom. As I wedged all six feet and 2 inches of my body into that cramped cranny, I caught sight of my row mate's dark eyes gazing at me.

His brown eyes verged on the spectrum of black, his skin was far more bronze than any tanning bed had hopes of making my own, and his turban was tied tight: my neighbor was an inch by inch specimen of a Middle Eastern man. Every piece of post 9/11 propaganda flooded my mind as I ignored my open minded and accepting upbringing. In conditioned ignorance, I began plotting the epic film script that would depict my lion-hearted rescue of the hijacked airplane. My heroic thoughts turned into dazed dreams as I laid my head on my lap, slipping away into slumber.

I woke suddenly, quite unaware of where I was. My legs were bound in place, my head was held captive against my knee and everything around me was dark. Memory raced back to my last conscious thought and my heart began to panic. Without a moment's more hesitation, I began screaming, "Help!" and a few far more colorful explicitives. But the man who had reclined his chair directly infront of me, pinning me in place, was in his own dreamland. All I needed was a little wiggle room, but this snoring giant would not spare me an inch.

As I lay, squished between my own fleshy thighs and the padded backside of the lowered chair, I was reminded of a meeting I had been in some months prior. As the executive leadership of Utah was gathered around a conference table discussing the needs of our diverse company, an argument was raised about the cost of a smaller product versus a larger product. I calmly stated, "I don't care who you are, it's always worth an extra hundred bucks for that extra inch." My response may have been inappropriate at the time and whorrish, but the message rang true as I was jammed in that jet next to a harmless new friend.

An inch is 2.54 centimeters, one thirty-sixth of a yard, half the length of an average french fry.


kym said...

Oh man oh man! You are quite the pretzel!

FROSTED! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FROSTED! said...

You crack me up. I'm sorry I didn't hear your cries for help. I would have traded you seats...

Kortni said...

Your blogs always make me smile! I miss you and love you<3

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