Sunday, March 22, 2009

Passed Some Gas: Global Warming

Today Al Gore wrote me a personal email addressing the dramatically important issue of global warming. The email was sent to Lee Cannon and 300 million other Americans each individually addressed by former Vice President Gore, the man who is better with plants than with politics.

Increasing global temperature will cause sea levels to right and will change the amount and pattern of precipitation, likely including an expanse of the subtropical desert regions. This sounded so fascinating that I decided to eat and entire bag of a chemically enriched, enhanced, engaged, embellished Cool Ranch Doritos.

The most frightening piece of information said, "other likely effects include arctic shrinkage". Arctic Shrinkage?! In my vast knowledge of temperature change and its influential impact upon the male genitalia, I make the motion that arctic shrinkage is the true villain within the global warming fiasco.

When asked about my feelings describing the emanate danger of global warming I have one response: Save a tree. Eat a beaver. My larger concern is not global warming, but how in the world did Al Gore get my email address?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lee, shrinkage? You are a Cannon. Your genes take care of you in that area. Come visit soon.

-jace

Matt and Jenni said...

I'd be creeped out if Al Gore emailed me too! Seriously -- could you have picked an uglier/creepier picture of him!? haha

Anonymous said...

Oh Lee... How do you make such serious topics so funny?!

-kenz

Martha said...

Global Warming my eye. That is scary, Lee. I'm scared FOR you.

Katie said...

Eat a beaver? Oh my goodness you are hilarious.