Monday, March 2, 2009

Side Burns

Side Burns.
I wear my side burns down to mid-lobe. A decent length, neatly trimmed and groomed.

Side Burns.

Thick, lush, greased down side burns. A horrendous length, overgrown and unkempt.

The second example is what I was forced to view today. I was an innocent by standard that was disturbed to see these wispy critters growing down the cheek of my peer. Being Lee Cannon, I reached forward to inform this poor soul that the length, girth and hygienic habits of the above mentioned sideburns were inappropriate. In my eagerness to help with this hairy problem I did not notice that the victim of this indecency was: female.




Genetics is playing a horrible trick on a handful of women in this world. It must be terribly embarrassing to have a 5 o'clock shadow by noon when society expects you to be smooth, clean and hairless. I send my emotional sympathy to each woman plagued with this trial in life.

With that said, I am not okay with women who do not keep their facial hair trimmed. It is not okay to let that bush grow wild! A wonderful creation, sent from above, was given to mankind: wax. In just 30 short seconds, one can completely remove unwanted hair. It might be slightly painful, but who doesn't love a good sting?

Women of my life, and men for that matter, please consider the general population of the world and keep your facial hair decent. If your hair is becoming a living ecosystem, then it is time for you to prune your hedge.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Who in the world are you? You just say things that everybody else thinks.

-jerr

Celestyn H said...

Lee commanded me to comment so here it is: I don't like the flava sava aka the soul patch. It generally does not look great and when kissing a guy it definitely does not feel great. Nobody likes whisker burn. That being said I don't like facial hair on women either.

Matt and Jenni said...

Haha, a classic Lee Cannon monologue.

StephanieRose said...

So you are saying I should shave mine off? You could have just told me instead of calling me out on your blog...

PS- I agree with Celestyn H- I don't dig the soul patch. There I said it.

Lee Cannon said...

I SHAVED THE SOUL PATCH OFF! I had a come to Jesus moment and knew it was time for my flavor savor to leave this frail existence.

Hannah said...

Celestyn, I admire you for you honesty, as well as Stephanie. I will follow suit and say that the soul patch, that which saves flavors for later, is also not my most favorite. So glad of your decision, Leesif.

Heather & Dallan said...

Haha it makes me so happy to read your blog Lee! So entertaining. I love your bluntness...is that a word? You are so right on all your observations!

Emily said...

Lee, I can't help but think of that big fluffy fro you had when you talk about out of control sideburns. But at least your fro was clean, right? ;) Also, some gals are sensitive to wax. It makes us break out or pulls of the skin leaving red patches and scabs. Gross. But that's why we have laser hair removal!

Ms. Case said...

ew. gross.

Black Dreams said...

Do they really look that bad? It probably stands out, therefore anything different is classified as bad, in other words ugly.
However being the owner of unusual side burns and being a girl, I feel deeply hurt that my appearance is an offense to others. I don't have the money for removing them and I don't think I want to, not because I don't want to be cooperative but because they just happened to be there at one point in my life. It saddens me that people aren't so accepting. However the honesty is appreciated : )

Anonymous said...

Black Dreams:

I don't understand why men these days have the preferences they do.

Why do they (not 'we') seem to prefer women to look like Barbie-dolls, or even children?

With removal of most if not all body-hair, dyeing and shaping of head-hair, cosmetic grease-paint, cosmetic surgery and butchery &c being the norm in this pitiful country, I doubt you're average American (idiot) male would recognise a natural woman as human.

But that's the culture we have to contend with.

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