Sunday, March 15, 2009

St. Patrick's Day: Not Okay

In honor of the 5th century Catholic bishop, Maewyn Succat, more generically known by common folk as St. Patrick, I write this post.

The history of St. Patrick's Day stems back to early Irish myth and legend. The swirls of memory and ancestral here say have created the three major contenders in the 2009 St. Patrick's Day Mascot Show Down Showcase.

1) The Shamrock: A three leafed greenery known for its low height and ability to spread quickly. The Shamrock is an icon of Ireland dating back to 1510 when Lord Byron of Grattan wore it on his lapel to a royal function. The then Queen of England, Elizabeth I, declared it a "fabulous fashion phenomena" and knighted Lord Byron on the spot. The Shamrock is definitely a runner up in the official St. Patrick's Day Mascot Showcase Show Down.

2) The Color Green: A mixture of two primary pigment colors, blue and yellow, green screams nature. Green is classy and ready for any occasion.

The Color Green reminds me of only one thing: That green M&M's make Mr. Reeder, my 7th grade science teacher... horny.

The nomination of the Color Green as a mascot for any international holiday is, however, completely ridiculous. How can a color embody the emotional roots of St. Patrick's Day? Let's simply wear the darn color once a year to stop Auntie Paula from pinching us on March 17th and throw this mascot out.

3) The Leprechaun: A Celtic fairy of unsurpassed creepiness has haunted the dreams of children for decades. With his cocked hat and leather apron, the mini-sized male would pass as a pedophile in 49 of the 50 states within the Union. (There are plenty of odd shaped shorties in Idaho)

The Leprechaun is the perfect mascot for St. Patrick's Day due to his link with the national group Little People of America. Midgets, little people, nubbin's, dwarfs and hobbits are all names given to the genetically enhanced individuals that Ireland has labeled: Leprechaun, the official winner of the 2009 St. Patrick's Day Mascot Showcase Show Down.

Let us forget the forgotten reasons we celebrate St. Patrick's Day and replace them by wearing cocked hats, leather aprons, green thongs and growing our facial hair out. Anybody up for a trip to Boise?

17 comments:

Hannah said...

hahahahaha. celestyn is not going to be happy when she reads that idaho comment.

Lee Cannon said...

Hannah! YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SHE WILL AGREE! I mean, have you ever been to Malad?~

Hannah said...

No, I have not been to Malad. But I have seen Dietrich, her hometown, from space (via Google)...let me just say that it is one of the smallest towns I have ever seen. But it's homely.

Anonymous said...

Lee, you might want to avoid Idaho and Ireland when you do a concert tour!

Heather & Dallan said...

Oh Mr. Reeder and his green
M & M's. I do remember his whole thing that they make him horny! I wonder if he would be glad to know we still remember that or not. ;)

Celestyn H said...

Hannah was right. I am NOT HAPPY about that Idaho comment. We don't have a Hobbitville like Salt Lake does. And Malad is only weird because of it's proximity to Utah. Have you seen my family? Tall, tall, tall. Bring it Lee, you little leprechaun...

Lee Cannon said...

Celestyn, dearest, Idaho is Idaho. There, I said it. Can't hide the elephant in the room Celestyn. You can't change where you come from. Be proud of your midget heritage like Hannah is proud of her Asian heritage.

Celestyn H said...

Elephants- you really want to bring them into this? Lee Lee. You really know so little about me. I was born in Utah and have spent more than half my life living throughout Utah. I defend Idaho not because I am from there but because it is a gem of a state. This topic is now closed. :)

Ash Hilton said...

I was wondering if you had a leprechaun themed one on the farm.

Anonymous said...

Well, the Shamrock actually has significance. True, it is a low profile plant that quickly spreads and is found around many parts of Ireland. But the significance of it is that St. Patrick used it in sermons as a means of teaching the Gospel. Each leaf represented something. I don't remember what. But it's kinda like Bednar using a pickle. We should have a St. Bednar's day and drink pickle juice. We can continue to use green as well, only we wouldn't have beards, we'd all get our hair cut like Lego Men.

Anonymous said...

Who comments on people's blogs without saying who they are? Sorry leelee, but I won't put who I am either. Apparently the first person thought he could get away with it and so can I!

Lyns and kids said...

Mr. Reeder and his green M&M's will always haunt my dreams. He is the creepiest man alive.

Ms. Case said...

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day??

Kidding. But wouldn't it be funny if I hadn't realized that.

SO..the serving world... work somewhere that serves MEAT. MEAT=Bigger tickets, which=Bigger tips, which=Happy you.

Hannah said...

I just thought I would chime back in from the Peanut Gallery (is England a peanut gallery?). Proud, proud, proud, proud, proud ASIAN. I don't really think Celestyn has so much a midget heritage to be proud of as you have a GIANT heritage---oh oh! And even as I am typing this, Jackie, Taylor and I are having a discussion about how I eat seaweed because I am Asian. Yes, I do eat seaweed (it is delicious) and yes, I am proud proud proud proud. :D

Hannah said...

And by giant heritage, I meant LEE'S giant heritage. Heaven knows that he was not a slight baby. :)

Michelle ... & Dave :) said...

Sick I totally remember Mr. Reeder and his green m&m's. He must tell that to every year!

YourRoommate said...

Hey Lee,
How about you quit the Malad comments. I'm kinda sick of it. You don't even know what you're talking about. Especially since quite a few people that are involved in your life are from Malad (i.e. Me, Lacy and Ryan Hannah...etc) Seriously, Malad may be small but I've never met better people in my life, and I wouldn't give up the fact that I was raised there for anything. So back off. Oh yeah, the Osmonds, President Monson and a former Secretary of Agriculture have got my back.