Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Thing That Should Have Ended With Puberty

Puberty is the most awkward stage of any organism's life. The body is growing at an extremely rapid rate and the raging hormones make us do outrageously stupid things. Taking this combination of lanky limbs and unbalanced chemical levels into consideration, it is a miracle that we have a growing global population.

Webster says puberty is a time when boys’ and girls’ bodies begin to develop and change. Well, Webster, when is this change going to end?!

Most aspects of my puberty have ended:

1) I have lost my desire to be part of a boy band, preferably N'SNYC.

2) I have pulled out of a fairly mild voice change without major social scaring.

3) My lithe lanky limbs have finally acquired enough muscle to pass for a man instead of a spider monkey.

Puberty vs. Post-Puberty

However, I still have one perplexing issue. Today, I woke to find Mount Tittycocka erupting from my left cheek. Definitely a zit of monumental size and girth, Mount Tittycocka cast a shadow on half of my face. I was told by Webster that puberty is a time for change and development, I am ready for the developing volcano upon my face to be done! Why is this pimple pest the perpetuating problem in the puberty process?!

As I walked through life on this sunny day with my swollen growth, women cringed, children screamed and small woodland critters ran away from my monstrous moist bulge. I pondered puberty and its proven problems, all the while thinking to myself, "Wow, I would give up this zit any day to be in a boy band ... I wonder if N'SYNC is looking for a back up singer."

11 comments:

Hannah said...

Lee, you are a mighty handsome man, and I love ya, but what did we talk about the phrase "moist bulge?!" And what did I tell you would happen if I ever read those words on your blog?!

Lissybug said...

Sorry, Babe. I'm old and I still get pimples. I can not offer you any hope in that area.

B to R-A D the Y the "IS Cool" said...

The word "moist" should never, ever be used in the same sentence as one that is describing puberty. It's just gross however you look at it.

Ms. Case said...

That picture is scary...the 1st one. HA! As for the zit...was it a good pop? Because really, that's all that matters.

Ash Hilton said...

I prayed to myself that you would never locate that picture again. ahhhh!!!!!!

Matt and Jenni said...

I agree...I am POSITIVE that I get breakouts now that are far worse than any I ever had in HS!! What the freakin H??!!

Celestyn H said...

This post made me sick to my stomach. I wish you would keep your zits to yourself. EW!

Goldie said...

What you say about zits is entirely complex!!! There are always two sides to the story of an individual zit. There's always the calm, rational side that says, "Hey, this is just a part of life and this happens to EVERYONE from time to time to remind you that you are a human being". And then there's the crazy, consuming side that says, "Hey, I am going to ruin your day. Watch people look at you in disdain as I make you cower!!" Ummmm, yeah, I know both sides all too well. I have to tell you a secret though... to some women, zits can be a phenomenal thing to see on a man from time to time. It shows that the man, no matter how perfect he may seem in every way, DOES have something about him that makes him human. You know what this means??? Lo and behold, you ARE human after all, Lee. And an ATTRACTIVE human that is all the more endearing with your occasional zit from time to time.

Bryce Day said...

Boyband huh?!?!...who knew. I certainly didn't. As for the voice change I am still waiting for mine to change...AND I'M ALMOST 30!...boo.

Ms. Case said...

Are you ready.....

The job is at Goodwood! I'll be serving...what a job right out of college right?! Ridiculous, but I'm sorta excited. Meet new people, be on my feet all day instead of behind a computer! It will do for now while I just take some time for myself :) ha!

PS...did you go to the H.S. musical?? uhhhh...

Lyns and kids said...

You are a very handsome man Lee. Don't let a little zit here and there get ya down.